Ever-soaking in His grace.
Flawed, much more than others.
"With my whole heart I seek You; let me not wander from Your commandments! I have stored up Your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against You." -Psalm 119: 10-11
I was not reciting this verse this morning, no, I was running late in dropping my daughter off at school and I forgot my coffee. On a day that I can’t have meat, bread or pasta, I so desperately needed my coffee. It wasn’t that I was mad or even frustrated, I was dissapointed. I want to say I was disappointed in my current circumstances, or even at the fact that my daughter moves at the speed of a snail in the morning, but I knew better. I was disappointed in myself. The entire drive to school I prayed one prayer,”God please make me a better Mom, make me a better wife, and please God change me.i”
Leonard Ravenhill once said, “the people who are not praying, are straying.” I don’t want to stray from God. I don’t wan’t to stray from His love for me. Yet, sometimes I feel unworthy ,unqualified to receive more of His grace. I feel like I use up a LOT of grace and its pointless for me to ask for more. I know that’s not true. Lamentations 3:22-23,” The steadfast love of the Lord NEVER ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are NEW every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”
As soon as I parked I stopped praying and got mad at myself. I thought, “Seriously, Theresa? You’re going to ask for forgiveness and mercy again!?!? Don’t you see you should know better, you can’t keep asking for the same things over and over. God must get tired of seeing you mess up time after time.” I stopped. I decided I was going to go to the library and study. If somehow Jesus wanted to come near me after this morning’s conversation, well, I’d be there waiting for Him.
I called my daughter’s school to see how many tardies she had this year, they told me that her tardy for today wasn’t counted because she made it right on the time. I was so relieved. I felt like some little stones fell off. I then walked into the library and the Starbucks barista liked my “God Belongs In My City” shirt so much that he gave me a free venti white-chocolate mocha. A free coffee. The two things on my mind this morning were taken care off. I don’t know why. I don’t know why.
"Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit." -Psalm 32:1-2
A.W. Pink said, “After grief for sin, there should be joy for forgiveness.” D.L. Moody, said, “The voice of sin is loud, but the voice of forgiveness is louder.” I don’t know how you feel about your sin or forgiveness. Maybe you never acknowledge your sin, and maybe you have never received His forgiveness. Sin and forgiveness are a constant struggle in my life. The struggle in my life isn’t confessing my sin, I do that willingly. It is in receiving His forgiveness, that I do hesitantly. I keep my own scorecard of received grace sometimes, that is a sure way to stray from His word and love. I don’t want to stray fro God. I don’t want to stray from His love.
I sat down in the cubicle. I started praying, I couldn’t contain myself and the silent tears began to flow. A good Christian is one who knows that they desperately need God. That without Him all is impossible. That without His strength, love, mercy, and forgiveness they would be completely broken and filthy. I learn that more intimately each and every day. The more I learn about Christianity, Theology and Grace, I realize how little I do know and how much I need more of Him. I have a tendency to switch my view to my actions from His actions. I look at my works and NOT to HIS cross & resurrection. He did it all. I did nothing. Anything that I am or could ever possibly do is because of Him. For this reason, my confession and tears are beautiful to Him. When I cry out, when I mess up, when I look to Him, He is there with love and forgiveness to me. His daughter am I. And while I may question how good of a mother I am, I can never doubt the perfect Father I have. The one who sits on the most high throne.
"May You be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." -Colossians 1:11-14
I have received a redemption that will never be taken away from me. I am qualified to receive His endurance, patience and joy. No matter how many times I ask of Him, I will always receive the forgiveness of sins. When I put up reasonings for surpassing my daily limit of grace, God tells me Lamentations 3:22-23. When beat myself up for somehow not reaching this standard I give myself, God tells me this,”He has now reconciled (you) in His body of flesh by His death, in order to present you holy and blameless above reproach before Him…” All I must do is cling to Him. Cling to His Cross. Taking nothing but myself to Him and receiving everything from Him.”…if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the Gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven.” -Colossians 1:22-23
The definition of holiness is to be holy, to be holy is to be consecrated to God. My life is a consecration to God. A dedication to my constant need for Him. Upon confessing my need for Him, My belief in His life, death and resurrection, I receive His righteousness. He is my Hope. My righteousness. In Him I am being renewed. When God looks at me, He sees the righteousness of Christ. That is my one defense.
"For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within me." -Colossians 1:29
Sola Scriptura. Sola Fide. Solus Christus. Sola Gratia. Soli Deo Gloria.